Tag Archives: Facebook

Can’t We All Just Get Along? Politics Driving Wedges in Friendships

I’ve always been interested in politics. I pride myself on trying to self-educate on the issues rather than rely on others rhetoric. It seems this year that the vast majority of American’s are trying to do the same.

 But here is something I have learned now more than ever.

Politics are dirty and not just with politicians. Waters are muddied when there are political differences among friends.

I find it frustrating and disheartening. What is the thread that binds us all regardless of party affiliations? Social media.

 People are passionate. I get it and appreciate the enthusiasm on both sides of the aisle. Our children’s future is at stake and we all want to leave the world a better place four years from now than it is today.

However, I’ve witnessed blanket insults intentional or not, directed at so called friends or acquaintances on social media. When I read comments from alleged friends that state “you must be brain dead to vote for Hillary” or “anyone that votes for Trump is a sexist and a bigot”, it’s a direct insult to anyone who may support either candidate.

 Like politicians, I find these Facebook political bullies to be just as hypocritical as the candidate they choose to back.

 These are the same people that post inspirational memes of love, peace and of unity. Irony!

This election has gutted common courtesy and dare I say, sense out of some “friends”. Would you dare spew such hateful remarks or words in a face to face conversation with a friend? If someone were to tell me I’m brain dead or I’m a racist and bigot, you’d bet that was the last conversation I’d ever have with that person.

 Last night I shared a friend’s status that I found hysterical. It was shared in the spirit of humor and nothing more. The status was tongue in cheek. Before I knew it, I had someone comment how they were surprised I supported this candidate.

 I have never publicly stated my views nor whom I’m voting for. I wouldn’t be that dumb lol.

I find others constant “calling out” of friends (again I’ll use that term loosely) antagonistic and bully like. To me, those tactics infringe on stepping into someone’s personal space. Challenging theories or healthy debate seems reasonable but has proven impossible in this climate.

As I step off of my soapbox, I’d like to reiterate that each of us as United States citizens are charged with doing our own fact checking and truth seeking to find the candidate who will best represents our ideologies. We are not obligated to convince others of our opinion nor are we beholden to sway others to our position.

I beseech each of you to loosen your grip and think twice before you sling that mud as you never know who will be hit intentionally or not by that throw.

Ask yourselves, are Clinton and Trump really worth losing friends over?

May God be with each of you and may Election Day come upon us with speed.

Bashing the Ex. Is this ever a good idea?

Like any good blogger, I’m inspired by real life events.

Today’s events are brought to me and thus you, via Facebook statuses. It’s actually a pretty regular occurrence in my newsfeed from Facebook friends or in most cases, acquaintances.

It’s the dreaded status that causes me to cringe as I read through it. What am I talking about? It’s the Facebook bashing of their ex-husband (have to be honest, never saw a guy bash his wife on my feed…yet. Good job guys).

Now, I’m not a naïve person nor are those privy to reading these public, written outbursts. Divorce pushes many emotions to the surface such as anger, bitterness, sadness, resentment, disbelief, and fear. I think I’m a reasonable person and understand this.

Whatever the intent of the writer on the reader may be, I still don’t get the public shaming or airing of dirty laundry.

Marriage is daily, constant hard work. No one knows what takes place behind closed doors and personally, I don’t want to know. I don’t want to know the details of the demise of the marriage. I have enough problems of my own lol. It becomes burdensome and uncomfortable to read such statuses.

There isn’t a person I know who takes divorce lightly. There had to be some significant issues in that marriage for it to end.

Here’s where I differ from the women who take to their social media to publically whip their ex’s. Regardless of the circumstances of what caused the breakdown of your marriage. Regardless, whether you think this guy is the biggest dick in the world. You have children together!!! At one point in your life, you loved this person. Because you have children together, you are forever connected.

When I awkwardly read the statuses airing personal, intimate issues, I notice that most times the children are Facebook friends with the parent spewing such rants. I’m not sure how this is beneficial to the kids. If children’s well being comes first, how is this in their best interest? I swear, I don’t get it!

Well, now’s a good of time as any. Why don’t I get it? Who am I to judge? Well, I just went through a divorce. I guarantee my friend’s jaws just dropped reading this. LOL to that! Hi guys! I guess this is a public outing of me.

I can’t imagine talking disparagingly about the father of my children. I’ve spent half my life with him and my kids deserve a quality relationship with him, without it being tainted by any negative remarks from me. My relationship with him is separate from his relationship with the kids. Go ahead, read that last sentence of brilliance one more time.

I, like every other parent, want my children to thrive and be happy.  If my kid’s dad is happy, my kids are happy. I wish him health and happiness always. Why wouldn’t I? He’s an extension of my kids. We divorced each other, neither of us divorced our kids.

The onus is on the parent. We are the role models. Children model our behavior both good and bad. Choose wisely.

Lastly, I can guarantee whatever reaction these women are trying to illicit; most likely it is having a negative effect and alienating many. There are the few commenters who encourage the public shaming which seems to be a driving force for the bad behavior to continue.  Not a fan.

I wish everyone who participates in public shaming their ex on social media,  for the sake of their kids, their Facebook friends, anyone exposed to reading their bullshit statuses would just STOP and STFU.  Here’s my unsolicited advice for anyone out there reading this and more specifically, are guilty of the above. Thank me later.

I get that things will happen during the divorce that will infuriate you, but rise above it.

I get that you may have been hurt or blindsided, but rise above it.

I get that you have fear of the unknown, but rise above it

Bottom line is for the sake of the children…rise above it all! 

 

 

Is Compassion for Everyone?

How much suffering must one endure for complaining to be acceptable?

I thought I had the answer to this question. My answer was any suffering gives you a pass to bitch and moan to your friends. Venting is a natural therapy.

My theory was rocked in the wake of Hurricane Sandy. Devastation was seen everywhere. The media captured pictures of houses washed away or burnt down. Images of mammoth trees lying on streets, houses and cars were captured. The truth is I didn’t need to tune into the news to see these pictures. I need not look further than my own neighborhood. The destruction was not only felt by strangers but by people I know, my own sister and countless friends. It was as if I was living in a perpetual out-of-body state.

Hurricane Katrina was still fresh in my mind. I remember videos streamed in from New Orleans showing people’s houses flooded and destroyed and where streets became streams. I remember listening to NOLA folks beg for deployment of the National Guard to keep a sense of order and how these same people said FEMA helped them. Those faraway places were now my places. The National Guard were at my gas stations. My sister’s car was submerged in ocean water and I listened to her speak on the phone to FEMA. The same FEMA I heard discussed in New Orleans. My sister is one of the thousands displaced from this storm. The only thing missing in my town was a Superdome (thank God).

The testimonials from friends were endlesss. They spoke of losing their cars, basements, belongings and entire houses. Their lives were reduced to the garbage they put out on the curb. Each house I drove past having piles of debris, told a story. It told their story. The toys, furniture, clothing drenched with flood waters and mud were left for all to see. It was depressing to see and more depressing for those living through it. Recovery will be slow moving but imminent. Their suffering is colossal.

Where do I fit into this picture? In this storm I lost electricity for seven days. That’s nothing to sneeze at. Standing on its own, one would consider this a great loss. The nights were getting colder and there was no heat. I was lucky enough to have a generator but don’t be deceived; power was still limited. My house became a safe haven for some of the families I previously wrote about. We ate meals together, complained together and even laughed together. My suffering wasn’t nearly as great as those earlier mentioned but I thought living without power on frigid nights for seven days was suffering nonetheless. Factor in the gas shortage and well, I thought it was more than acceptable to announce my grievances. On Facebook, people were posting statuses daily of their individual circumstances and suffering. I joined in.

My complaining did come with a disclaimer and I found I was not alone in this sense. I, like many others would say, “this is what happened to me (fill in the blank), but I’m lucky compared to others”. That my friends was guilt speaking. We didn’t want to be deemed self-absorbed or thoughtless.

Not long after, a Facebook “friend” (since defriended) spewed a long winded status how she is sick of hearing people complain of having no power when people have lost their homes. How dare we complain of such inconveniences? I digested this information and self-reflected. Was I insensitive to those who were in a critical state of loss? It was only two days prior, when this same self-righteous (oops did I say that out loud) “friend” bitched out on her status that her transformer blew and she didn’t have power. What gave her the right to now be the Facebook status police, tongue lashing those who complained just as she had earlier?

I paused considering all before me. Did my own complaining of my circumstances automatically disqualify me as a caring, compassionate, empathetic person? Did this same whining devoid me of any and all good deeds I had previously done for this is how I was made to feel? I became irate in my thoughts. A friend had the perfect analogy (which I am sure to repeat until the end of time, when needed) and I want to share it with you. If someone’s leg is cut off, it is painful and hurts. If someone’s finger is cut off, it is painful and hurts. The finger is less of a loss than the leg but nonetheless it still hurts and still entails suffering. Suffering comes in many forms. There will always be someone that hurts more or less than you, but compassion is for everyone. In retrospect, all I really wanted to say is “this sucks” and for a friend to agree without judgment.