Tag Archives: loyalty

Loyalty, Betrayal, Detachment – Repeat

LOYALTYa strong feeling of support or allegiance.

It’s such a simple word and concept that holds enormous meaning. One word speaks volumes of a person’s character and integrity.

Then why is LOYALTY so hard to find?

Such a powerful word should be attached and practiced by the people we hold dearest to us. When I think of LOYALTY, I think of someone offering unwavering support, dedication and unconditional love.

A Facebook friend recently posed a question asking her audience, what does it mean to be a friend? My fingers quickly pounced on the keyboard to type the word with the biggest punch – LOYALTY.

Not too long ago I was asked to participate in a survey. Amongst the many questions asked was – what is your greatest attribute. Without pause I filled in the blank, LOYALTY. I pride myself on it, will die on a hill for it and have instilled it into my kids since infancy. BE FUCKING LOYAL, no exceptions!!!

LOYALTY isn’t what you say it’s the actions of an individual that prove it.


Or not.

What is the opposite of LOYALTY? It’s an easy answer – BETRAYAL.

BETRAYAL a violation of a person’s trust or confidence.

If there were no past experience of hurt or mistrust, it would be natural to assume those around us are loyal. After all, why wouldn’t we think they would be?

For those that have suffered betrayal, the path to trusting in anyone again can be a long and lonely walk but every so often we do find ourselves soaking in LOYALTY.

In such cases the LOYALTY is even more greatly appreciated since we know exactly how it feels to not have it. We thrive in it, soak in it and trust in it.

It’s cyclic. When LOYALTY is shattered, when BETRAYAL sets in, the last phase is DETACHMENT.

DETACHMENTa feeling of not being emotionally involved.

To best protect ones self, for self-preservation, to maintain one’s own integrity and to sustain self worth, we DETACH. The defense mechanism is to cut ones losses, lick the wounds and walk away in search of LOYALTY in someone else.


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As humans, we all have our individual opinions on what makes an outstanding friend, colleague or family member.

I’m sure there would be a common theme amongst most; kindness, compassion, and humor to name a few.

I dare not take the easy way out and will gladly lay my cards on the table. Loyalty is what I look for in anyone I become intertwined with whether it is a professional or personal relationship.

I wouldn’t ask anyone to give anything above what I, myself offer. If you are my friend, you will have my undying loyalty unless or until you give me reason not to.

If someone is disloyal to me, I am a very unforgiving person and have no problem cutting the thread that binds us. While my reaction is swift, it is necessary. No need to give a person a second chance to burn me. I’m a quick learner and believe in self preservation.

Loyalty is what relationships are built on and when tough times come, it is what is tested most. Anyone can claim true friendship or devotion, but it’s those who will have your back when you have no way of knowing they do.

True loyalty is someone who supports you under any circumstance with nothing to gain and whom share the same principles.  Often times, loyalty comes with sacrifice. It’s about being there for others even when it may not be convenient for you.

To me, if opportunity controls your loyalty then your character is flawed.

But life isn’t always that easy. Unfortunately, expectations of loyalty often come with disappointment. It arrives when you’re in your darkest hour and those you expect to be there aren’t.  Tough times reveal real and loyal friends. Rather than be discouraged, take note and purge those who are friends of convenience to you.

Life is constantly evolving and so are we as humans. We live and we learn.

With loyalty comes responsibility. Loyalty isn’t “yesing” your friend to death. Loyalty is playing devil’s advocate or having those hard conversations with your loved one when no one else is. To me, loyalty equates to honesty.

Money and material things will fluctuate in one’s life, but good moral character is the barometer for which I choose my friends and which I want to be recognized for.

The older we get, the wiser we get thus the smaller the circle of those we trust and rely on. True character will always reveal itself so pay attention.


Top 10 Ways to Know if You’re a Douche Bag

Today I feel so inspired (by others) to write a blog on douche bags. Thanks (not really) for providing me with this information and material. Let it be known that douchebaggery is not limited to men; lots of women are capable of being douchettes too. For those of you that are riding the fence not knowing if you fully qualify for such a title, let me provide a checklist of sorts for you to keep score. Please note, that if you even possess one of these qualities, you SUCK and chances are, those around you think you suck too. (Wow that sounds bitter. Down girl.) Brace yourself because here it comes….

1. If you are the type of person that does favors and then throws it up in others faces, you are a gigantic douche bag. If you do a favor for someone, do it because you want to and hold no expectations. Chances are the person asking doesn’t even want to but has exhausted all other possibilities leaving them in a precarious situation. Doing a favor means you are helping someone. It certainly doesn’t make that person your eternal slave nor does it mean they have to live in purgatory taking your shit for a lifetime. You don’t own someone just because you did them a favor.

2. If someone who cares about you tries to contact you via text, email, phone calls etc., and you consciously choose to ignore them; you’ve hit the douche-o-meter. What a douche bag you are to make the other person squirm, guess what’s going on, worry or blindlessly create a scenario in their head of what may or may not be happening. Try not to be a douche and answer them.

3. Here’s a good one. If someone trusts you so much that they confide their secrets to you, either big, small or both, don’t use that information to then throw it up in their face in a fit of anger or as a way to get back at them. Worse than that, don’t share those same secrets with others. Only douches would do such a thing. Take into consideration that they thought so highly of you to share something so intimate and important to them. Don’t make them regret bringing you into their world.

4. If you have a specific goal you want to achieve, either tangible or not, don’t lie to another person to get there. It’s a cheap way of achieving things. Don’t fib to make someone believe you are likeminded and aligned in your beliefs. If that person, isn’t in the same place as you or wanting the same things, move yourself right along. See ya douchebag.

5. I can’t think of anything more unappealing than a person who is pretentious or an elitist. There’s not a single person who would want to keep company with someone who thumbs their nose at others, all while under the delusion that they are out of anyone else’s league. Douchebags, here’s a newsflash; your insecurities scream out when you act in such a manner. You’re probably trying to reject those around you for fear of being rejected yourself. Wow, I’m a freaking therapist all of the sudden. Please take note.

6. Here’s an adjective that fits every douche bag out there, self-centered. Listen jerks, the world revolves around the sun, not you asshole. Friendship is a two-way street and you are on a one way road going nowhere fast. It’s nice to hear what’s going on with you, but how long does one have to listen to a person talk about themselves? Since we are on this topic, here’s another thing, if you are more interested in what solely makes you happy and never consider those around you that makes you a douche. If you are self-centered and the only subject that you like is “me”, pack your bags and take a hike out of my world. Contributing to others happiness is part of friendship, family and life.

7. Mistakes are part of life. If someone you care about makes one, don’t spend your entire life rubbing their nose in it. Either forgive or try to understand. If you’re incapable of one or both, release that person from your life. Don’t be a douche and keep them around just to feel empowered, or use it as a way to control them and have them pay penance every day. You have a choice, either you want them in your life or you don’t. Don’t have them in your life just to wield some weird non-existent power you now think you hold over them.

8. Hey we all think we are good looking to an extent. Some of us are right on the money and others have completely missed the mark. Good for the uglies that think they are cute. No harm, no foul. However, do your best not to flaunt your fake-hotness. Furthermore, if you are hot, definitely don’t be an asshole about it. You’re good looking, we all know it. Doesn’t mean I want to bask in your presence and worship you. If you’re good looking and parade around in it, your hotness instantly diminishes. I’ll still look at you, but there is no way on God’s green earth that I’ll give you the satisfaction of acknowledging you’re cute. Hotness without brain activity = douche.

9. Loyalty is an amazing quality to have and those you love should feel it toward you. Seems reasonable but it’s not. Not everyone carries this trait. Family and friends should have your back, no exceptions. If someone talks smack about you in your presence or not, your people should leap to your defense even if the other person has a point. Who cares if what they are saying is true, you are their person therefore loyalty should be immediately implemented. If your best friend hates someone, you hate them too and there is no room for negotiation on this. Reason and rational do not go with loyalty. If you are incapable of protecting, helping, or practicing unconditional love to those in your immediate circle than you’re nothing more than a total scumbag. You aren’t worthy to be in that circle and need to go back to loyalty training.

10. Last but certainly not least is the person that only has friends on their terms. You’re the person who only comes around when it’s convenient for you, or you need something. Hells no! Don’t contact that one reliable friend as a last option because all your other homies aren’t around. Saying hey, I miss you after months and months of not talking to just find that shoulder to cry on because all others have failed you is really kind of douchey. That person was always there for you, you abandoned them in the height of your popularity and suddenly you find yourself alone. Nope don’t contact that person that was a great friend to you and come walking back in their life as if you were there the whole time. No no no no that friend had time to figure out the exact type of person you are, a user. Find another sucker.

There you have it my friends. That’s my top ten list. I’m sure there are a hundred more ways someone can be considered a douche, but I found these qualities to be the most notable. Ask yourself if you do these things. My suggestion is if you are guilty of any of the above that you cease and abandon them immediately. I can absolutely guarantee that you’ve been called a douche either to your face or behind your back, either way; you have the ability to change that. If you had a good friend like me, I’d be happy to tell you to your face, but I’m just the writer and you’re the reader.


You Can’t Always Get What You Want

I’m 43 and have learned yet another life lesson. (zip it about my age lol) Really, I’ve found myself in the same situation countless times and have been unable to learn from any of them, that is until now (yay me, go team!). Grab a glass of wine and let’s discuss. I’ll talk; you listen (as if there is another choice).

And tonight’s topic will be about relationships. We all have them in the shapes of marriages, friends, neighbors or co-workers, to name a few. Some can be lifelong or in the beginning stages. Bottom line, if you’re not a hermit, you have and invite new people into your life daily. Whew…ok now that I had to explain the premise, let’s proceed.

Here’s a little about me. Hate to break it to you, but I’m flawed. Although I’m a bundle of awesomeness (says me), it’s hard to believe but I do have issues. My past experiences and relationships comprise the person before you today. For starters, I’m a very black and white person. I’m a “tell it like it is” kind of girl and for the most part, I lack a filter. I’m extremely direct but always kind (like how I softened that?). The reason I’m like this is because I absolutely suck (in a big way) at deciphering gray areas. I just don’t get it. I will dig through the garbage in my head for hours trying to figure out that middle, gray area. My line of thinking is, if I’m direct, others will be too. OMG I literally am psycho- evaluating myself as I write this blog. I’m a half a God damn genius! Sorry for the interruption, let’s continue. Some might misinterpret my directness as aggression or confrontation. Truth is I hate confrontation but I won’t avoid it if it happens. I might view these as strengths, others as weaknesses. Regardless, each of these qualities lie within me.

Let’s continue. Please pay attention because this is where the life lesson comes in. I wouldn’t want you to miss it. When someone asks me a question, I answer honestly. I don’t skirt issues, hide from awkward or uncomfortable, and I don’t avoid. What you see is what you get (some appreciate this, others not so much). I suppose some might categorize this as genuine. I’m an all in or all out person. As previously noted, I don’t do middle ground. If I’m with you and you are my friend, you have one hundred percent of me. I don’t do shit half-assed and that includes my friendships (you’re welcome).

One would think, that what you give is what you get, right? WRONG! There’s my lesson. I have scars all over me of where I’ve been burned. I have assumed for 43 years (there’s that number again) that I would be rewarded with the same type of people in my life. With relationships come expectations. Sometimes I think life is like an interview. People present themselves in the best light possible which causes us to want to grasp and pull them in. But after the interview, comes the job. The initial wow factor is gone and we are left with the unfiltered, realer version of whom they originally represented themselves to be. More times than not, I try to overlook the disappointment but there comes a time for their job review and often times, dismissal.

It took me long enough, but I have finally learned that not everyone values my friendship as I might theirs. I’ve been called intense once or twice in my life (ok…constantly) and that’s what I bring to the table. I wear my heart on my sleeve trusting those I confide in. When someone tells me things I believe them. I’ve FINALLY realized not everyone does this. Not everyone tells the truth, nor are they genuine. I pride myself on being a fairly good judge of character but every so often someone slips in and I’m duped. Hate that!! I don’t want people that suck in my life, but they sneak in. There is something to be said about loyalty too. I swear I’d give my right testicle for my friends. (Don’t panic, I don’t have one…but you get the idea of my type of loyalty). The flip side of that is if you cross me, I am a very unforgiving person. Why open myself up to be hurt again by the same person twice? . To me, people and friends are not disposable. Friendship and loyalty go hand in hand. Part of today’s lesson is, others don’t necessarily feel that way.

The bottom line is, I’m finding that I can’t always get what I want but if I try real hard, I’ll get what I need. That need comes in the form of a handful of friends that will carry me through the hard times and laugh with me in the good times. For those that have stuck by my side despite all the parts of me that suck, thank you. Group hug!