I love birthdays, especially mine. It’s the one time of year that allows me to celebrate a person and really reflect on why they are important to me. Sure, this could be done any time of year but a birthday forces that reflection.
I don’t really understand those people that think birthdays aren’t a big deal and barely acknowledge their own. If nothing else, it also allows us to reflect on our own lives. We can look in the rear view mirror of where we have been and all the obstacles that we thought were impossible to overcome only to triumphantly celebrate that we didn’t crumble. It also presses our nose against the window of what might lie ahead.
It seems like only yesterday that I was fighting off the big 4-0 birthday. I kicked and screamed heading into that birthday. I suppose milestone birthdays will do that to a person as I leapt into another decade of my life. Now here I am at 44. I’m not even sure how I got this old. My younger day memories are so vivid and at heart, I’m much younger than my 44. Physically I’ve hit the pinnacle of 44. My hair is a little grayer, I can no longer easily shed those few pounds I gained over the holidays and I have a wrinkle or two that won’t quit. Age has grabbed my ankle and is pulling me down but not without a fight.
But here’s the thing. I like where I am right now. I think it’s natural that along life’s journey we try to figure out exactly who we are and what we are looking for. To me, the ultimate goal is happiness. Year after year, I’d speculate as to what I thought would make me happy. After attaining what I thought would make me happy I somehow was still looking down the pipeline scratching my head thinking, “I guess that wasn’t it”. And so, I forge forward still searching.
This is what I know at 44. I know exactly who I am and why I act or react the way I do to certain situations. That’s huge! That has been a lifetime of work to get to that point. I get a big pat on the back for that one.
Recently, I was in the supermarket when I ran into an old friend. She was telling me what I should do or what I should post on Facebook to make her feel more comfortable with my life. This was a big moment for me because in that exact second, I knew I didn’t care. Let’s face it, I think we all care to an extent what people think of us. It’s human nature to want to be liked and accepted but I no longer seek anyone’s approval. How someone might react doesn’t stop me from trying new things or doing exactly what makes me happy. I live my life for me, not other people. (Oprah would love this!)
I embrace my double four digit. I have gained freedom of the soul. I’m not tied down by others expectations or limitations. I’m more in tune with who I am and what I want out of life. We have one life and I am determined to live it to the fullest and without regret. I may stumble along the way and make mistakes but I own all of them. There is no longer a blame game. I am my choices both good and bad.
Happiness is this year’s birthday theme and present to me. It has been bestowed upon me and I embrace it. I am exactly where I am supposed to be in this moment and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Let’s raise a glass and make a toast together. May I reflect back on this year with the same fondness, glaring open heartedly at my successes and failures in work, volunteerism, friendships, and relationships and may I be able to ring in my 45th birthday with the same gift of joy that I feel now. Salute!
CINDAWENDA 