Tag Archives: relationships

Loyalty

As humans, we all have our individual opinions on what makes an outstanding friend, colleague or family member.

I’m sure there would be a common theme amongst most; kindness, compassion, and humor to name a few.

I dare not take the easy way out and will gladly lay my cards on the table. Loyalty is what I look for in anyone I become intertwined with whether it is a professional or personal relationship.

I wouldn’t ask anyone to give anything above what I, myself offer. If you are my friend, you will have my undying loyalty unless or until you give me reason not to.

If someone is disloyal to me, I am a very unforgiving person and have no problem cutting the thread that binds us. While my reaction is swift, it is necessary. No need to give a person a second chance to burn me. I’m a quick learner and believe in self preservation.

Loyalty is what relationships are built on and when tough times come, it is what is tested most. Anyone can claim true friendship or devotion, but it’s those who will have your back when you have no way of knowing they do.

True loyalty is someone who supports you under any circumstance with nothing to gain and whom share the same principles.  Often times, loyalty comes with sacrifice. It’s about being there for others even when it may not be convenient for you.

To me, if opportunity controls your loyalty then your character is flawed.

But life isn’t always that easy. Unfortunately, expectations of loyalty often come with disappointment. It arrives when you’re in your darkest hour and those you expect to be there aren’t.  Tough times reveal real and loyal friends. Rather than be discouraged, take note and purge those who are friends of convenience to you.

Life is constantly evolving and so are we as humans. We live and we learn.

With loyalty comes responsibility. Loyalty isn’t “yesing” your friend to death. Loyalty is playing devil’s advocate or having those hard conversations with your loved one when no one else is. To me, loyalty equates to honesty.

Money and material things will fluctuate in one’s life, but good moral character is the barometer for which I choose my friends and which I want to be recognized for.

The older we get, the wiser we get thus the smaller the circle of those we trust and rely on. True character will always reveal itself so pay attention.

 

Out With the Old, In With the New

It’s so cliché to reflect back on the passing year as there are only hours left of it. Having said that, it’s exactly what I’m going to do now. Pull up a chair, a glass of wine and lean in closer to listen to this year’s life lessons.

My mantra for this coming New Year is, out with the old and in with the new. New Year’s can be likened to the closet. There are clothes we keep for years even though they haven’t fit in just as long. We hang onto them because we once loved that exact piece of clothing. Or there are clothes that we hang onto because we bought and absolutely loved but they are ill fitting and we never wear. Then there are the garments we cling onto because they were an expensive purchase yet we really have no place out to wear them.

Much can be said of the relationships in our own lives.

We hang onto friends simply because we have known them for years despite having nothing in common with them. We hang onto them for nostalgia regardless of the fact that our mindsets are no longer parallel. Out with the old, in with the new.

We are all guilty of quickly engaging with a person over a commonality, perhaps it was a current event, or a mutual friend. As quickly as the friendship started, it has fizzled out. If you aren’t reminiscing about that one thread that binds you together, conversation is surface and labored. Out with the old, in with the new.

There comes a point in our lives when we are enamored by someone simply over their lifestyle, their clothes, their fame or their connections. Suddenly we feel we are part of the “it” crowd. While we might not be in their league, it becomes clear that the person who seems to have it all really isn’t in align with the person we are and we are no longer impressed. We keep them around as a way to hob knob. Out with the old, in with the new.

For those of us who invest in our friendships and work on them daily yet have little return on investment. Time reveals who our real friends are, who are willing to have our back and who will show the same loyalty we show them. Someone once told me, friends are easy to come by when things are going bad because it’s easy to share in misery. It’s a true friend, who can share in your accomplishments and your happiness without being tainted by jealousy. Out with the old, in with the new.

For the relationships which have plagued us with doubt, and chiseled away at our own self worth may they be replaced with ones of confidence, mutual respect and love. Out with the old, in with the new.

2014 has giving me clarity on what and who I need in my life. I have let go of anything and anyone who doesn’t support me or contribute to my happiness. Out with the old, in with the new. I am grateful for the lessons learned in 2014 and I’m excited at the prospect of what 2015 brings along with it. Perhaps you too should consider cleaning out your closet. Cheers and happy New Years!

You Can’t Always Get What You Want

I’m 43 and have learned yet another life lesson. (zip it about my age lol) Really, I’ve found myself in the same situation countless times and have been unable to learn from any of them, that is until now (yay me, go team!). Grab a glass of wine and let’s discuss. I’ll talk; you listen (as if there is another choice).

And tonight’s topic will be about relationships. We all have them in the shapes of marriages, friends, neighbors or co-workers, to name a few. Some can be lifelong or in the beginning stages. Bottom line, if you’re not a hermit, you have and invite new people into your life daily. Whew…ok now that I had to explain the premise, let’s proceed.

Here’s a little about me. Hate to break it to you, but I’m flawed. Although I’m a bundle of awesomeness (says me), it’s hard to believe but I do have issues. My past experiences and relationships comprise the person before you today. For starters, I’m a very black and white person. I’m a “tell it like it is” kind of girl and for the most part, I lack a filter. I’m extremely direct but always kind (like how I softened that?). The reason I’m like this is because I absolutely suck (in a big way) at deciphering gray areas. I just don’t get it. I will dig through the garbage in my head for hours trying to figure out that middle, gray area. My line of thinking is, if I’m direct, others will be too. OMG I literally am psycho- evaluating myself as I write this blog. I’m a half a God damn genius! Sorry for the interruption, let’s continue. Some might misinterpret my directness as aggression or confrontation. Truth is I hate confrontation but I won’t avoid it if it happens. I might view these as strengths, others as weaknesses. Regardless, each of these qualities lie within me.

Let’s continue. Please pay attention because this is where the life lesson comes in. I wouldn’t want you to miss it. When someone asks me a question, I answer honestly. I don’t skirt issues, hide from awkward or uncomfortable, and I don’t avoid. What you see is what you get (some appreciate this, others not so much). I suppose some might categorize this as genuine. I’m an all in or all out person. As previously noted, I don’t do middle ground. If I’m with you and you are my friend, you have one hundred percent of me. I don’t do shit half-assed and that includes my friendships (you’re welcome).

One would think, that what you give is what you get, right? WRONG! There’s my lesson. I have scars all over me of where I’ve been burned. I have assumed for 43 years (there’s that number again) that I would be rewarded with the same type of people in my life. With relationships come expectations. Sometimes I think life is like an interview. People present themselves in the best light possible which causes us to want to grasp and pull them in. But after the interview, comes the job. The initial wow factor is gone and we are left with the unfiltered, realer version of whom they originally represented themselves to be. More times than not, I try to overlook the disappointment but there comes a time for their job review and often times, dismissal.

It took me long enough, but I have finally learned that not everyone values my friendship as I might theirs. I’ve been called intense once or twice in my life (ok…constantly) and that’s what I bring to the table. I wear my heart on my sleeve trusting those I confide in. When someone tells me things I believe them. I’ve FINALLY realized not everyone does this. Not everyone tells the truth, nor are they genuine. I pride myself on being a fairly good judge of character but every so often someone slips in and I’m duped. Hate that!! I don’t want people that suck in my life, but they sneak in. There is something to be said about loyalty too. I swear I’d give my right testicle for my friends. (Don’t panic, I don’t have one…but you get the idea of my type of loyalty). The flip side of that is if you cross me, I am a very unforgiving person. Why open myself up to be hurt again by the same person twice? . To me, people and friends are not disposable. Friendship and loyalty go hand in hand. Part of today’s lesson is, others don’t necessarily feel that way.

The bottom line is, I’m finding that I can’t always get what I want but if I try real hard, I’ll get what I need. That need comes in the form of a handful of friends that will carry me through the hard times and laugh with me in the good times. For those that have stuck by my side despite all the parts of me that suck, thank you. Group hug!

20130727-102041.jpg