I’m Your Mother, That’s Why

For all the times when you were small and you didn’t want to hold my hand crossing the street. At my instance I’d grabbed your hand and say, “I’m your mother, that’s why”. The truth is I would rather you be embarrassed by this gesture, then take any chance of you being hurt or killed by a car. I never want to lose you.

For all the times, I walked you to the front doors of school, leaving you with my departing words, “I love you” as you cringed with humiliation. As you protested, and asked me why I must do that, I replied “I’m your mother, that’s why”. The truth is I wanted you to feel security knowing I loved you and I would be there the minute you were dismissed.

For all the times I asked you to clean your room and you told me it was your room, your space and complained. As I continued with the request, my explanation was “I’m your mother, that’s why”. The truth is this teaching moment was about respecting your belongings and taking on responsibility.

For all the times when I didn’t approve of what you were wearing to school or a special event and made you change your clothes. You fought me, and I’d send you to your room, letting you know it wasn’t a request but a demand. I’d say do it “I’m the mother, that’s why“. The truth is I wanted you to take pride in your looks and not be unfairly judged based on what you were wearing.

For all the times you would come home frustrated that your friends came to school with the latest trends; the most expensive sneakers, handbags or even new cars. You would want the same things and I wouldn’t indulge you even as you objected. When challenged I’d say “I’m your mother, that’s why”. The truth is as hard as the lesson and you might not even fully understand until you are an adult yourself; there will always be someone who has more or less than you. It’s not about comparing yourself to others or what they have. Be grateful for things you do have rather than focus on things you don’t.

For all the times you asked for money day after day and I wouldn’t always give it. You lashed out telling me that your friends received money from their parents, why couldn’t I just distribute it just as they had? I’d say, they aren’t my kids and “I’m your mother, that’s why”. The truth is you will never appreciate a dollar until you earn it. You then have a sense of entitlement and that’s not what I wanted for you. I wanted you to appreciate that with hard work comes reward. I wanted you to be conscious of how much things cost and to make smart choices when spending your money.

For all the times I lent you my ear as you felt injustice at school and you weren’t treated fairly. I would tell you I’d talk to the school and clear it up. You would besiege me not to get involved and storm off and not speak to me. When confronted, I would look you in the eyes and tell you I’m doing it, despite your disapproval. When questioned, I’d say “I’m your mother, that’s why”. The truth is I wanted you to know what loyalty and love felt like. Just because you are a child doesn’t mean you are always wrong in the eyes of an adult. I wanted you to learn that if you stand by the truth, if you are articulate and calm, change is possible even in what seems like the most impossible situations.

For all the times I asked you to set the table or fetch drinks to put on the dinner table and you would tell me it wasn’t fair. You lazily asked me why I couldn’t do it. I’d tell you “I’m your mother, that’s why”. The truth is I wanted you to be aware other people exist besides you. I wanted you to learn to be a functioning part of our family and be considerate of others.

For all the times I went to your sports events or school events and cheered you on as you shrunk with embarrassment. You’d say, no one else’s mom does that, why must you? I’d say “I’m YOUR mother, that’s why”. The truth is I couldn’t be more proud of you. Whether the accomplishment is big or small, I want you to know that I’m your biggest fan and I’ll always be in your corner.

For all the times I’ve asked you to check in so I know where you are much to your annoyance. You see it as a sign of distrust or that I think you don’t make good choices. When you ask why day after day, I require this of you, I reply, “I’m your mother, that’s why“. The truth is I think you are incredible and have little doubt that you are making good decisions. I want to know you are safe.

For all the times, I say I love you and you don’t say it back. For all the times, I hug you and you brush me off complaining why. I will tell you, “I’m your mother, that’s why”. The truth is I never in your life want to reflect back and say, I can’t remember ever being told I love you or feeling affection from my mom. Even as you push me away at these moments because it’s not cool, I will continue to do these things. I don’t ever want to give you an opportunity to recall a time when you didn’t feel your mother’s love.

To my children, I do all these things for a reason though you might not be able to see that now. Everything I do is to give you a solid foundation for being the most positive, productive, and contributing member of our society. The truth is I love you unconditionally and it’s simply because I’m your mother, that’s why.