There are two types of people in this world, dog lovers and cat lovers. Despite the blog title, I’ve always been a diehard cat lover. It’s not as if I don’t like dogs. I do, I just don’t want to own one. I’ll pretty much only pet medium to large size dogs or puppies. Little dogs just don’t appeal to this cat girl. Poodles make me crazy. I hate them. I know hate is a strong word and there are few things I hate, but poodles fall into this category. A simple poodle sighting will make me sneer. To me, having a dog is like having another child. It’s too needy. The most significant difference between kids and dogs, and a clear deciding factor in owning a dog, is unlike kids dogs never grow up. They rely on their human to walk them, feed them, and give so much attention. Should the attention you provide fall short of their liking they will repay you by pissing in the house, or tearing apart anything in their site that doesn’t qualify as food.
Ok, I might have a prejudice against dogs but rightfully so. While dating my now husband, we would make frequent visits to our friends house where a Rottweiler was also an occupant. That same Rottweiler grabbed a hundred dollar bill off the dining room table and I remember our friend’s father waited until the dog crapped it out. The dad then dug through the dog’s crappola to retrieve his hundred dollar bill (gross). He said a hundred dollars is a hundred dollars. That mere memory still makes me gag. I really did love this dog and he knew it. One day I was sitting at my friend’s dining room table when the Rottweiler jumped up on me. In a freak accident, the chair disintegrated under me and the one hundred-fifty pound dog landed on my nose. I never had a bloody nose in my life, yet I was swallowing what felt like gallons of blood. That dog broke my nose in three places. I had to have my nose fixed and packed. I sported a cast on my nose for a week, looking like Jason from the Halloween movies. It was one of the most miserable experiences of my life.
Let’s move on to my animal of choice, the cat. I now have four cats. (I hear you saying OMG, she’s the cat lady…SHUT UP, am not!) Anyway, I thought cats were the perfect pet. I don’t have to feed them on demand. They aren’t up in my grill 24/7. They can go outside with no supervision from their human and come back whenever they want. How awesome of a pet!?
I pretty much thought my cats were awesome but I’m recently forced to acknowledge that they are all jerks. After visiting the local pet store six days ago, I fell in love with a bunny and purchased it. She’s a damn cute bunny (not really sure of the bunny’s sex, but I’m going with a she). Low and behold cat #2 brought home a headless wild bunny tonight. Would have been helpful if cat #2 brought home the headless rabbit say…a week ago, BEFORE I bought the bunny. Until that moment, I had no idea this cat enjoyed eating bunnies. Dammit, my new bunny’s life is now in jeopardy by his step-brother.
Cat #4 is a slut. This jerk cat enjoys hanging out in the sewer. Obviously this cat relishes the company of raccoons and possums all while prowling the underground world of sewers. How lucky am I that this idiot then comes to sleep on my bed? Filthy whore!
No really, let’s not stop the story now. I have a big heart, some would say to a fault. A few years ago, while on a Boy Scout trip to the pound I saw a bunch of cats in cages, each with their unique ailments and caged for years at a time. I knew I had to rescue one of them much to my husband’s dismay. Well the choice was difficult. Choices, choices…was I to pick the cat that had to have injections every day? Or should it be the cat that had gag reflux and puked its food like any good bulimic? No, I went with the cat that had OCD and licked its fur off while in caged captivity of four years. The cat looked like road kill. It still has that nickname to date, Roadkill. It took me seven, yes you heard me correctly, seven hours to adopt this bitch. Can you imagine? You would think the pound would have been a little more grateful and would have basically thrown her at me but that wouldn’t be the case. After much paper work, references and fees, they handed the little bundle of skin and patched fur to me. As I had one foot out the door, the technician said, “by the way, she pees outside the litter box”. WHAT??? Thanks for mentioning that seven hours ago. I swore I heard someone yell “sucker” as I walked to my car.
So I bring home this beauty that just happens to have a personality to match her looks. To date, she has the biggest, “everyone hates me” complex. You look at her wrong, she growls. You pass her, she growls. You go near her, she growls. You pet her too long; she scratches the shit out of you. It’s true what they say, animals are grateful when you rescue them, except of course this jerk.
So here’s what I have concluded. I do love cats. They are pretty and cute. I want to pet them and cuddle with them. I want them to sit on my lap so I can stroke their fur and hear them purr. The reality is that cat’s are jerks and only want to be loved on their terms. They only want to be pet when they are in the mood. I give unconditional love and expect it back from my cat but most times my cat is just annoyed by us humans. My eyes have been opened as to why people prefer needy dogs over smug felines.
CINDAWENDA 