Open Letter to My College Bound Son

Where do I begin? I have loved you your whole life and will continue to do so til my last breath. You have been so fun to have in our household. Your quick witted sense of humor, even dumb humor at times, always made me giggle. As an infant into adulthood, your easy going personality along with your permanent smile made parenting you so easy.

As you prepare for college there is so much advice I need to dole out to you. Murphy’s Law is for you to rebuff my advice as annoying or try to blow me off so I feel the best approach is through a letter. As I did with your sister, I will put this in an envelope and pack it up with your belongings as you move into your college dorm. When you long for a piece of home, or need that comfort of a mom’s love, you can read this letter. Know my heart is always with you.

Well, I must admit on your last day of school, I couldn’t stop crying. I wasn’t quite sure what I was crying about but it wouldn’t stop. Then it hit me. I’m crying because for the first time, I will not be physically by your side to problem solve with you or jump to your rescue. Letting go of you is way harder than I anticipated.

There a thousand things I love about you. I love the way you take life a day at a time and you never really sweat things. I love your fierce loyalty, honesty and humbleness. People gravitate toward you for a reason. You are warm, welcoming, accepting, compassionate, and genuine.

When you wake up in your dorm room for the first time sans your family, there are things you should be reminded of to keep you grounded. You now share a room with someone. Keep it clean! Be considerate of your roommate by picking up after yourself. After long days of classes and nights out, no one should have to walk through a mind field of dirty clothes or garbage, including you. That’s your first order of business!

For the love of God, set your alarm. I won’t be there to gently wake you up every morning ensuring you get to class on time. Make sure your alarm is set ALWAYS. You are now paying for college. Make sure you get to your classes as it’s on your dime now. Don’t hit snooze and say, I’ll just miss today. Nope, the more you miss, the more you have the potential to fall behind. Even on the coldest of days where you don’t want to go outside, get to class. Even on days that you may be hungover, get to class. Even on days you have a cold, get to class. Your sole job in life right now is to get to class, study, get good grades and PASS!

The time has come. Laundry time! Yup, don’t wait til your down to your last pair of underwear or shorts. Figure out a schedule and do laundry weekly. Knowing you, you might even skip the underwear just not to do laundry but suck it up buttercup. Laundry needs to be done and you’re just the guy to do it. Here’s the second piece to this puzzle. FOLD YOUR CLOTHES! Since I know you won’t be ironing and looking good is a priority, wrinkled clothes won’t work for you. Fold your clothes and put them away, just not in a pile on your desk or in a corner of the room.

You successfully completed high school and somehow with doing minimal homework. That comes to a halt immediately. There is no more skimming by. Your smarts alone won’t get you through college. Homework needs to be done and papers need to be written. Being a minimalist will be a detriment to you in college. Work up to your fullest ability proving to your professors that you are up to the task of college work. If you have an exam, STUDY FOR IT! Skip the night out with friends or a frat and choose school work over partying each and every time. There will always be another party or another gathering. That exam, well, there will NOT be another time. That exam counts toward your GPA.

Priorities, priorities, priorities! You are now living on your own for the first time. No one there to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. You are solely responsible for every decision you make and will deal with the consequences of those decisions both good or bad. Make smart choices. Parties and socialization are definitely the fun part of college but never forget you are there to earn a college degree. Academics are the priority. The end.

You’ve been a relationship for all of your high school life. Perhaps this relationship with continue in college and maybe it won’t. Decide what is good for you and what feels right. That relationship shouldn’t feel burdensome at any time. Your gut will tell you if and when you need to end it. Know it will be a lot of work to continue a relationship with you both being in separate colleges. I don’t want you to ever feel like you are missing out on something because you are bogged down by a long distance relationship. Keep in mind you will be exposed to many new people and people with different experiences. Be open to them and don’t pigeon hole yourself in a corner because you have a girlfriend. I’m not saying to cheat on her. Don’t ever do that! But every once in a while, take a step back and decide if it’s what you want. At this point in your life, it IS all about you.

For arguments sake and just to cover this topic, let’s say you end up single at some point in college. Be the guy that opens the door for a girl. Be the guy that isn’t a douche. Treat each girl respectfully. Don’t ever make them question where they stand with you. Be clear. Be kind but direct. Girls are emotional by nature and last thing you want is to have a girl cry over you. Be a gentlemen at all times and ALWAYS do the right thing by a female. Remember…if a girl says no, it’s no. Walk that girl to her dorm. If you are out at a bar with the a girl, make sure she gets home safe. Be the guy that every girl wants to bring home to mom.

At this point in your life, you may be unclear as to what career path you want to pursue and that’s ok. This is the time to figure things out. Explore everything! Take classes that interest you. You are going to spend your entire life working, make sure you choose a career you love. If you choose one major and decide it doesn’t interest you, now is the time to make that change. Figure out who you are and what you want out of life. I will be here to support your decisions and bounce things off of. There are tons of resources at school. Tap into them. Speak to your advisors and professors. They are your best educational resource. These people and these programs at school are here to serve you. Don’t be shy, step up and ask.

I’m excited for you to be attending a big sports college. Go to games. Enjoy everything that is at your fingertips. Cheer on your teams and have school pride. If feels good to be part of something. You are an enormously talented athlete and excel in all you do. You ARE good enough to play college baseball at Cortland. Should you change your mind, go to “walk-ons” and try out for the team. You will meet guys just like you that love to play ball and are the best. They will push you to do better and there is a brotherhood with baseball players you can’t find anywhere else. They become family for life. Think about that. If you choose not to play, it’s ok but stay active. Have pick-up basketball or football games with friends. Play softball or wiffle ball. Join the club teams. You are an athlete. Continue to be one!

Call your mother! Your life will be busy with school work, parties and friends. It is easy to get caught up in college life but remember there’s one person waiting to hear all about. She’s waiting to celebrate your successes, offer advice or just listen as needed. ME!! I want to hear all about your life as I won’t be there to see things first hand any longer. Know that you can call or text me at any time. I will always be here for you. I will be at Cortland in the blink of an eye should you ever need me. I’m only a phone call away.

Lastly and most importantly, be a good person. Be kind to everyone around you, student’s, staff and strangers. Befriend someone that might seem like an outsider. You never know how your actions or words can impact a person. If you see injustice at any point, I want you to stand up and speak up. If you see someone being bullied or treated like crap, you be that person to stop it. Do not be a bystander in life. You are an amazing kid and have always taken on the role of a leader. Continue to do that. Be someone that others look up to. Use that attribute for good…always.

Know that although you are at college, this is always your home. You are always welcomed here at any time. That no matter where your travels or life journey may take you, we welcome you home with open arms always. We are your comfort zone. We are the ones who will ALWAYS have your back no matter the circumstance. We are the ones who love you unconditionally. We are fiercely loyal to you and love you so much.

I wish you nothing but success, health and happiness in the next chapter of your life. You have always made us proud and I know you will continue that. You are the light of my life.

Love,
Mom xox

New Year’s Eve: Resolve to Repent

Like any good party animal, I’m spending my New Year’s Eve snuggled in bed with a good book. For tonight, I’ve traded in my stilettos for slippers. While I’m all for a good party, and lots of dancing, the thought of sharing the road with drunk drivers is enough to keep me home year after year. I think the switch was flipped the day I became a parent. So instead, I stay home and I pass the party torch onto my kiddies.

I lie here contemplating my New Year’s resolution. I can’t lie; I don’t ever remember keeping one after it was made (quitter on my dad’s side).  I’m going to decline the “diet” resolution because that is never kept passed sunset on New Year’s day. I’ve succumbed to the sad fact that I’ll never be a size two. My love for food coupled with my Italian genes won’t allow it. I could commit to the traditional “being a better person”, but truth be told, I really don’t suck as a person (says me).

After much thought, I’ve decided I will try and curse less. Hey, I’m a realist. Eliminating cursing completely is nearly impossible for this f bomb dropper. It’s a horrible habit I admit but adding “fucking” to any story seems to spice it up and grab the listener’s attention.

If I can’t get it right for New Year’s there’s always the back-up known as Lent. You have to love the Catholics anticipating the quit in all of us, allowing us to sacrifice something for just six weeks.  Short term goals seem more attainable anyway. I suppose its better to have some resolution as opposed to none.

So in anticipation of the New Year just a few hours away, I just want to say happy fucking New Year. May all the bad shit you experienced this year open the path for better things in 2014. I’ll pray my resolution sticks, but if it doesn’t, I’ll be sure to repent in March during Lent. I fucking love do-overs!

Open Letter to My College Bound Daughter

In ten days I will drive you to college and move you into your dormitory. Every parent says it, but it’s true. I’m filled with a plethora of emotion. With each piece of clothing you pack, I know the chances of seeing them or you again as a permanent resident in our household are slim. I can’t even begin to fathom what it will be like to live in a house without you. I’ve loved you and you have been by my side for 18 years. How strange it will be not having you patter around the house or walking by you on the couch. Silly to think, but I will miss you screaming Mom on the top of your lungs or asking me to make you something to eat. The little things will surely add up to magnify the silence and void I will feel.

There are a few things you must know as you enter adulthood and make your way into the world. I’m convinced that writing will be better received by you than a conversation because after all, you’re still a teenager prone to minimalize any advice I might offer. My hope is that you will read this thoroughly, and perhaps even twice. Please save this letter and read it for those times when you long for a piece of home. Let’s begin:

You are a priority. Every decision you make should propel you to your goal. It’s ok to be selfish in this area. Should you need to blow off your friends for a party to finish homework or study and you are met with resistance, do what is right for you. Don’t let others behavior influence a decision you know to be right. School work is your main focus and nothing, not even your friends, should interfere with this. You are paying to go to school, use your time wisely to maximize this experience. Knowledge is power. Get every dollars worth out of your classes.

In life, we encounter all types of people. Some you will bond with, becoming lifelong friends others you may dislike instantly. This applies to classmates, or even teachers. Handling difficult people are part of life. Try to limit your exposure to them and if you can’t, pull deep within you to tolerate them. Always be kind. If there is a student you see isolated, and not part of the “in crowd”, befriending such a person might make a difference in their life. Empathy is an important trait to possess. Try to make a difference in others lives as even the simplest of tasks can impact a person.

Campus life will be new and exciting. I know you think you are big and bad but truth is you’re a hundred pound, beautiful girl. Sometimes people suck and they might want to take advantage of this. Never walk campus alone and always use the buddy system. Stop rolling your eyes because I can see that! If you’re going to attend a frat or house party (whatever they call it) never leave your open drink unattended. If you go to the bathroom, that drink goes with you. Never give someone an opportunity to slip a drug into your drink. Since we are on the topic of drinking, try not to but if you must, drink in moderation. Excessive drinking can lead to alcohol poisoning and even worse, a ruined reputation. Make sure you make good decisions because your reputation will always follow you. Make sure your decisions support the person you are and want to be.

I suppose a boyfriend is somewhere in your future. Know that we support whatever decision you make. Race, religion or color does not matter to your parents. The only thing that matters is the man you are with treats you well, respects you and is supportive. If he does all these things, he is welcome into our family. Don’t ever allow someone to treat or talk to you badly. There are a million guys out there. Don’t be stuck on one. Whoever wins your heart, wins the lotto. You are a great catch with a ton to offer the right person. On the flip side, do not let your emotions or relationships interfere with your school work. Know that the right guy won’t ever make you cry. You are an equal in your relationships. If at any time you feel differently, get out of it.

Work hard in school so you will have a successful career. Every woman should be self-sufficient. Never rely on a man to support you. Build a career and maintain it. Fiscal independence is freedom.

Always be yourself. Don’t alter to fit the mold others have of you. You are unique and should remain that way. Compromise is a good thing but don’t ever compromise your standards, your beliefs or your integrity for anyone, no exceptions. You are enough.

You have a voice so be sure to use it. If you have an opinion, share it. If you feel wronged, air your grievance. If you disagree with someone, debate. Your thoughts and opinion matter so never think otherwise. Remember that you are a leader, not a follower. Blaze your own trail. Don’t fall prey to others beliefs or viewpoints, simply because it’s easier. Know who you are at all times, and be that person.

Lastly, know that I am always here for you. If something is bothering you and you need to call me in the middle of the night, do it. If you need me to come up to school, let me know and I’ll jump in my car. As much as you build a life of your own, know you are always welcomed home, always. Your family is and will always be your safe place to land. You are loved more than you can possibly imagine and I will help you no matter the circumstances. You can depend on me. I want you to have the life I never had but always dreamed of.

I love you,

Mom

I’m Your Mother, That’s Why

For all the times when you were small and you didn’t want to hold my hand crossing the street. At my instance I’d grabbed your hand and say, “I’m your mother, that’s why”. The truth is I would rather you be embarrassed by this gesture, then take any chance of you being hurt or killed by a car. I never want to lose you.

For all the times, I walked you to the front doors of school, leaving you with my departing words, “I love you” as you cringed with humiliation. As you protested, and asked me why I must do that, I replied “I’m your mother, that’s why”. The truth is I wanted you to feel security knowing I loved you and I would be there the minute you were dismissed.

For all the times I asked you to clean your room and you told me it was your room, your space and complained. As I continued with the request, my explanation was “I’m your mother, that’s why”. The truth is this teaching moment was about respecting your belongings and taking on responsibility.

For all the times when I didn’t approve of what you were wearing to school or a special event and made you change your clothes. You fought me, and I’d send you to your room, letting you know it wasn’t a request but a demand. I’d say do it “I’m the mother, that’s why“. The truth is I wanted you to take pride in your looks and not be unfairly judged based on what you were wearing.

For all the times you would come home frustrated that your friends came to school with the latest trends; the most expensive sneakers, handbags or even new cars. You would want the same things and I wouldn’t indulge you even as you objected. When challenged I’d say “I’m your mother, that’s why”. The truth is as hard as the lesson and you might not even fully understand until you are an adult yourself; there will always be someone who has more or less than you. It’s not about comparing yourself to others or what they have. Be grateful for things you do have rather than focus on things you don’t.

For all the times you asked for money day after day and I wouldn’t always give it. You lashed out telling me that your friends received money from their parents, why couldn’t I just distribute it just as they had? I’d say, they aren’t my kids and “I’m your mother, that’s why”. The truth is you will never appreciate a dollar until you earn it. You then have a sense of entitlement and that’s not what I wanted for you. I wanted you to appreciate that with hard work comes reward. I wanted you to be conscious of how much things cost and to make smart choices when spending your money.

For all the times I lent you my ear as you felt injustice at school and you weren’t treated fairly. I would tell you I’d talk to the school and clear it up. You would besiege me not to get involved and storm off and not speak to me. When confronted, I would look you in the eyes and tell you I’m doing it, despite your disapproval. When questioned, I’d say “I’m your mother, that’s why”. The truth is I wanted you to know what loyalty and love felt like. Just because you are a child doesn’t mean you are always wrong in the eyes of an adult. I wanted you to learn that if you stand by the truth, if you are articulate and calm, change is possible even in what seems like the most impossible situations.

For all the times I asked you to set the table or fetch drinks to put on the dinner table and you would tell me it wasn’t fair. You lazily asked me why I couldn’t do it. I’d tell you “I’m your mother, that’s why”. The truth is I wanted you to be aware other people exist besides you. I wanted you to learn to be a functioning part of our family and be considerate of others.

For all the times I went to your sports events or school events and cheered you on as you shrunk with embarrassment. You’d say, no one else’s mom does that, why must you? I’d say “I’m YOUR mother, that’s why”. The truth is I couldn’t be more proud of you. Whether the accomplishment is big or small, I want you to know that I’m your biggest fan and I’ll always be in your corner.

For all the times I’ve asked you to check in so I know where you are much to your annoyance. You see it as a sign of distrust or that I think you don’t make good choices. When you ask why day after day, I require this of you, I reply, “I’m your mother, that’s why“. The truth is I think you are incredible and have little doubt that you are making good decisions. I want to know you are safe.

For all the times, I say I love you and you don’t say it back. For all the times, I hug you and you brush me off complaining why. I will tell you, “I’m your mother, that’s why”. The truth is I never in your life want to reflect back and say, I can’t remember ever being told I love you or feeling affection from my mom. Even as you push me away at these moments because it’s not cool, I will continue to do these things. I don’t ever want to give you an opportunity to recall a time when you didn’t feel your mother’s love.

To my children, I do all these things for a reason though you might not be able to see that now. Everything I do is to give you a solid foundation for being the most positive, productive, and contributing member of our society. The truth is I love you unconditionally and it’s simply because I’m your mother, that’s why.